To Have Page 23

  “Just some old letters. I’ll start dinner in just a minute.”

  “Who are they from?”

  “Family friend.” I had gathered a few again in my arms when he plucked one from the floor. I paled as he read one, his eyes squinting.

  “Family friend, huh?”

  I stayed silent and steeled my spine, tired of him treating me however he wanted. “Does it matter?”

  His hand flew out of nowhere, latching onto my neck and backing me against a wall. “You know fucking well it does. I haven’t put a hand on you out of respect for your rules.” Just bruises, but I guess those don’t count here. “And I know exactly who that bastard Deacon Devereaux is.” His grip tightened around my neck, making black spots danced before my eyes. “Are you fucking him?”

  I squeaked out a no, immediately wishing I hadn’t wasted the oxygen.

  “Don’t lie to me, bitch! I own you.” The hatred in his eyes as palpable as the hand around my neck. He drew his face closer to mine. “Tell me the truth.”

  “I told you—I’m a virgin.” The words choked out hoarsely as I clawed at his arm, trying to break his hold.

  I heard the clanging sound of his belt loosening. “We’re about to find that out right fucking now.”

  Tears filled my eyes and my oxygen-deprived brain screamed for air. Fight, Charlotte. You’ve gotta fight! I reached towards the counter for something, anything to use as a weapon. My hand hit something bulky. I grabbed it, flinging it as hard as I could at his head. Metal clattered onto the floor, and the hand that was strangling the life out of me released. The whoosh of air that filled my lungs was precious. I took another and another. His groans saturating the air, then the scrape of metal sharp against the floor. I looked up to see him coming towards me, knife in hand.

  I sidestepped him as he swung, missing the knife, but my foot caught his, throwing me off balance, bringing us both to the floor. Stars burst brightly behind my eyes as my head struck the oven handle. I rolled around, trying to get my bearings with the dull roar in my head drowning out everything else. As the growing dark corners blotted my vision completely out, the only thing I heard wasn’t the sounds of a struggle or of my head splitting wide open. It was the sound of Deacon saying my name.

  Deacon

  I had Mason meet me at Charlotte’s apartment because there wasn’t any time to waste. I pulled into a parking space behind his cruiser, him standing there

  “Grey’s almost here. I told him everything you told me.”

  “Did he say why she—”

  “He wasn’t for sure.”

  I jerked my head towards the building. “I’ll see you all in there. I want a chance to talk to her first. Okay?” He nodded, and I headed in the direction that would take me to the girl who still owned every piece of my heart.

  As I made my way up to the 3rd-floor apartment where my girl was, I thought about a million hoping this wouldn’t all be in vain. Hoping against all hope, she hadn’t fallen for a man that would treat her like shit. Hoping she knew there was someone who wanted to protect her from assholes like Caz Arlington—the same someone who would beat the hell out of him if only given a chance.

  I had just stepped up from the last landing and had about seven steps to go when my phone started ringing. Mason. “Yeah?”

  “That asshole’s already here. Grey saw his car. Get her out of there!”

  I dropped my phone, hurrying up the last few steps and sprinted down the hallway. 314. I should have been relieved to see that number, but the door it was nailed to was ajar. The sounds of a struggle floated out into the hallway as I opened it wider, blood freezing in my veins as I saw Charlotte and Caz falling and a knife swinging wildly in the air. Charlotte fell backward, the back of her head striking the oven handle. She hit the ground with a heavy thud, her eyes rolling back. Caz was crawling towards her.

  “Charlotte!” I flung my body at him, tumbling into the kitchen table, which fell alongside us, him landing further away from her than me. A prick, then warmth spreading on my side, grabbed my attention. Fucking bastard got me. My elbow flew back into his face, hitting his nose and causing his eyes to tear up. I looked around for the knife, but the cocking of a gun hammer sent a chill down my spine. Getting up from his seated position, his raised hand no longer held a blade, but a gun I hadn’t seen him pull from under his suit jacket.

  “You can join the bitch.” I curled my body around her limp one, trying to keep him from hitting her. I could hear the pounding of my heart along with the pounding of feet coming up steps. The cavalry was coming, but they were too late. My eyes closed, knowing this was it.

  His mocking laughter filled my ears with his parting shot. “Say hello to your mother for me.” The sound of a bullet leaving the chamber left me with the realization: of all the words I had uttered to Charlotte Kasen over the years, she never got to hear me say, “I love you.”

  Chapter Thirty

  Deacon

  Present Day

  Machinery whirred around me as the ventilator pumped steady breaths into her lungs. In and out. In and out. In. Out. Every soft beep from the devices hooked to her pricked my heart—a reminder that I was the reason she was here.

  For someone who had survived hell as a child and as a soldier, buried his best friend at 21, and was sitting here with a deep gash bandaged on his side, it was some next level shit that this was the worst moment of my life. Because the girl I’ve adored with every fiber of my being since I was eight was lying in this white bed, clinging to life—all because I was a fucking idiot.

  Our future wasn’t supposed to be this…

  I stared at the beautiful halo of blonde hair around Charlotte, flecks of her own blood and mine marring its golden hue—a perfect color for the girl who is sunshine personified.

  I stared at her eyelids, looking for some sign of movement. Nothing. I held her hand, as I had done so many times in the days before, praying to God that He could turn back the clock and make all of this go away. But, the hand I held was lifeless despite its warmth, and the only clock turning back seemed to be the one in my wishes. What I wouldn’t give for her to squeeze back. I looked at her delicate hand in mine, my mind flooding with a happier memory of holding her hand.

  I didn’t realize it at the time, but the first time she held my hand, she took my heart with it.

  I excused myself to the restroom, needing to stretch so I could settle back in for another night. I walked past a room where a family was crying because their newest addition to their family had just arrived. I walked past a room where a family was crying because the numbers of empty chairs around the kitchen table had just increased by one. The extremes of life, all on display within this structure of metal and glass. Someone saying hello. Someone saying goodbye. I just prayed that the latter wasn’t our destiny.

  I spotted Mason and Grey on the balcony from the restrooms, both standing there in intense concentration. Their eyes met mine as I stepped out to join them, needing the fresh air, and curious what had been decided.

  “Hartley say anything?” Mason’s bullet had ended Caz Arlington’s life, but it looked like that asshole wasn’t done fucking with people from the grave. It didn’t matter that he almost killed Charlotte and stabbed me, Caz’s death was still under investigation, with Mason in the hot seat for failing to talk him down during our standoff. Caz had his finger on the trigger, but Mason, standing back behind the door, taking in the situation as he always did before acting, fired in his shoulder. The graze wasn’t enough, leaving Caz to turn his gun at Mason, who got off a second round, this time in Caz’s skull.

  “They decided it was a clean kill, but I’m required to take a few days off.”

  I nodded.

  The news of Caz’s death brought forth a lot of things to light, like how Ferris Lord had used his illegitimate son to exhort a notary into illegally notarizing false documents, among other things. He would have his day in court, but his son’s days of extortion, abusive behavior, and generally bei
ng an asshole were long over. Good fucking riddance. My only regret was I didn’t know what the fucker meant by his last words. Say hello to your mother for me.

  The ringing of Mason’s cell took him to a secluded corner, leaving Grey and me alone. He had apologized for assuming the worst days ago, but our relationship would probably never be the same.

  “Any change?”

  “Same.”

  He nodded. “Look, Deacon. I’m really sorry…for everything.”

  “Me too. I just wish you would have trusted me.”

  The guilt in his eyes was heavy and smothering. No matter what the outcome of all this, he would punish himself for bringing the evil that was Caz Arlington into our lives. He glanced behind him, up to the floor where my girl was fighting a battle of her own, a war that should have never come to her doorstep. “Me too.”

  My mind was a mess when I got back to Charlotte’s room, so the sight I was met with flew me into a rage. I walked through the door, and anger shot through my veins. I stomped over to the nursing staff, scaring one of the nurses in mid-motion of unhooking the breathing apparatus from porcelain skin that seems even more fragile. “What the hell are you doing?”

  “Deacon, it’s okay,” Lynn soothed me as Charles rubbed her back.

  The doctor stood there before us, concerned by my outburst. “We’ve done all we can. It’s up to her now.”

  We all looked to her, wishing that just once more, the girl who always puts others before herself would obey one last request to put us all at ease.

  Nothing.

  My heart sank.

  “Sometimes, the mind is ready, but the body isn’t. I know this isn’t what you want to hear…but give her time. She’s a fighter.”

  Charles was teary-eyed and struggling to keep it together for his wife, who wasn’t doing much better. “Lynn, we need to…get you home. You haven’t…slept in two…days.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “I’ll be here. And I’ll call as soon as…there’s something to call about.” I walked them out, returning with a sinking feeling in my chest. What if this really was it for her? For us?

  I laid my head down—half on my arm, half on her leg—my grip on her hand never loosening. My eyelids grew heavy as I stared at her flawless features, marred by her sacrifice and my failures. I couldn’t stop the stray tear from tumbling down my cheek any more than I could stop the ache deep within my chest.

  Please, Sunshine. Just open your eyes and let me know you’re still here with me.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Charlotte

  I hear a heartbeat. Steady. Beeping. No, wait… That’s a machine. Where am I? There’s a dull pounding in my head and my eyelids are heavy. Open them, Charlotte. I willed them to open, but it’s hard. Little by little, bright light floods my vision. Shapes are taking form. A warm heaviness in my hand. No. Someone’s holding it. As colors collide and become objects, I took in the one sight that both unsettled and reassured my heart: Deacon’s head is laying across his arm and my leg, his big hand covering mine, his eyes closed.

  My heart squeezed as I studied his handsome features, thankful he was here and not... I gulped hard at the possibilities of what could have happened. I thought of the man who tried to take him away and my heart ached for an entirely different reason. Where is Caz? Will he come for Deacon or me?

  I moved around, trying to settle myself into a more comfortable position, not being able to move much with so many tubes across my body. I adjusted myself as much as possible and glanced up, only to notice a pair of ice-blue irises swimming in a sea of angry red. I croaked out a hey and fought back the tears threatening to breach the banks of my lower lids.

  “Am I dreaming?”

  I shook my head no and swallowed the knot that was trying to tie itself together in my throat. “Are you okay?”

  Warm lips found my hand, hot streaks rolling down the slope of our joined hands. “I am now.” I heard a Thank God breeze across my skin as more tears joined the last few, his shoulders softly shaking. His glassy eyes looked up once more, as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing was real. “It’s really you.”

  “Yeah.”

  “You don’t know how much I needed to hear your voice.”

  “Where is…”

  He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down below a considerable amount of dark scruff. “He’ll never lay a hand on you or anyone else again.”

  “Did he hurt you?”

  “Just a scratch,” he looked down at our joined hands. “I was more worried about you.”

  “How long have I been here?”

  “The five longest days of my life.”

  I felt a rush of joy at the end of those words, knowing I shouldn’t get my hopes up, but wanting to believe there was something in the stars for us other than Romeo and Juliet ruin. “I got your letters.”

  “Yeah?” The legs of his chair scraped slightly on the linoleum floor as he dragged it closer to me.

  “They were wonderful.”

  He gave me a small, genuine smile. “I’m glad you liked them.”

  “I loved them.” The smile I gave him back was just as sincere. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

  “I’ve asked myself that same question for the last four months.” A thumb caressed the top of my hand he held. “I thought I was doing the right thing, but it got all fucked up along the way.”

  I raised my finger to his full mouth and whispered, “Language,” with the tiniest smirk.

  His cheeks drew backward with a laugh that spread over his face. “Sorry. I’ve never wanted to be called down more in my life than right now.”

  “Did you mean it?”

  “Every letter of every word on those pages. I have more to say, but it can wait until you’re—”

  “Can I hear it now? Please?”

  A short nod preceded the story I’d been waiting to hear for years. “I’ve kept a lot from you and I’m going to start with the worst.”

  “Okay.”

  He detailed Aidan’s final moments with him and explained his promises, both then and years ago. “I wanted to keep my word, and because of that, I kept making mistake after mistake. That night when we…” He paused, both of us knowing what night to which he was referring. “I didn’t turn you down because I didn’t want you. Believe me: I wanted that more than anything in the world.”

  The rejection still stung all the same. “Why did you?”

  “Know the picture frame I knocked off the nightstand?” I nodded affirmatively before he resumed. “It was the last one he and I took together.”

  “And you thought—”

  “I took it as a sign I was breaking my promise to A. I couldn’t stand the thought of going back on what I told him when he was—” A brief pause stalled his words. “He told me to take care of her. I thought he meant Merritt, who, by the way, was the girl Mason saw me talking to on the phone that day. He didn’t know it was her and I couldn’t tell him what was going on because she had asked me to keep it all a secret. She struggled a lot when Aidan first died. She needed a friend because of the baby, and I…”

  “Merritt has a baby?”

  “Everett. He has her hair,” he explained, a proud grin taking over his features. “But he looks just like Aidan.”

  Surprise took my words, except for a small wow.

  “Yeah. He’s amazing.” Pride gave way to guilt as he went on, “He was another promise I kept. Merritt was afraid that your family would be angry for reasons she’ll have to explain to you. She kept it quiet and ghosted me a while. I didn’t even know she was pregnant until her aunt got worried and called me, hoping I could help…”

  I couldn’t imagine how alone Merritt must have felt in those days without anyone to lean on except her aunt. Merritt and I had gotten along well while she and Aidan dated, but I knew there had to be something terrible that happened for her to keep the marriage and the baby from us.

  “I wanted to keep my promise to
him and help her because I love her like a sister, but that’s all. What Mason thought he saw wasn’t the whole story.”

  “And you couldn’t say anything without blowing Merritt’s cover.”

  A guilty look settled into place. “I sort of did with him a week ago, but it was an accident. When I first went to help her, my drinking had gotten out of hand. I didn’t know how to cope with losing Aidan, so I drank until it was the only thing I could think about—except you.”

  “That was a lot of burdens to shoulder by yourself.”

  “You know all about that, don’t you?”

  Shame and embarrassment painted my cheeks with a blush as he acknowledged my own dark secret. Apparently, something had slipped out and I knew precisely which blond-headed bird had done the talking. “I thought it was the right thing to do.”

  “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

  “Grey was so hurt that he put us in this bind in the first place, plus he was a mess with everything else...” Deacon hung his head, knowing my brother was still hurting over his perceived betrayal. “I didn’t want him to worry any more than he already was. Plus, Mom and Dad… I couldn’t risk the company and his health.”

  His eyes focused in on our hands. “But he could have…”

  “I know. He wasn’t that bad at first, but when I kept rejecting his advances, he got more and more controlling.” His brow scrunched, and his lips pursed. “That’s part of what we fought over...”

  “And the other was my letters.” Blue eyes found mine again. “I should have never sent those letters, Charlotte.”