To Have Read online

  “But if you wouldn’t have, we wouldn’t be here right now.”

  “How is that a good thing?” he asked, confusion laced with worry tarnishing his face. “You could’ve died.”

  “But I didn’t. And we’re here, having our first candid conversation in years. Bright side, right?” A small chuckle from an otherwise grim expression told me he caught my joke. “What made you come to the apartment?”

  “Promise you won’t hold it against me?”

  “Okay…”

  “Nikki told me she thought you were in trouble.” I scrunched my brows, wondering why he would be talking to her if his letters were genuine. “It was the only reason I even returned her message. All I noticed was your name and ‘trouble’; it confirmed my fears, and I had to find out.”

  “I’m glad you did.”

  “That’s another secret that I should have never kept, but Grey was my biggest connection to you, and I couldn’t lose that.”

  I blew out a tired sigh. “There’s so much that’s happened.”

  “Yeah.”

  “So, where does that leave us?”

  “It leaves one more promise, but this time, it’s mine to the person I love more than anything in the world.” His thumb gently brushed back and forth over my clutched hand. “My name is Deacon Elias Devereaux. When I was a boy, I lived with a monster until an angel rescued me. I’ve made too many mistakes in my life to count them all, but one thing I will never regret is falling in love with that angel under her favorite willow. I’ve loved her every single day since then, even though I clipped her wings for a long time.

  “She made a promise to my best friend under that tree to love me because he couldn’t anymore. This angel’s brother, who loved her so much, asked me to take care of her because he wouldn’t be there to do it himself. So, since he’s not gonna be here anymore, I’m gonna love you for him… For him and for me. No more secrets, no more promises unless it’s between you and me.” I soared internally at his admission until the next few words left his mouth. “But Sunshine—I can’t date you.”

  My heart sank deep in my chest, and rejection pricked it once again.

  He noticed the change in my expression, and a somber expression took residence. “I can’t be just your boyfriend because it’s not enough. I want to be the man you give your forever to,” he whispered, lips brushing my knuckles. “I want to be the one you trust to take care of you. I need you to always be the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see before I go to bed at night.” His thumb brushed away a stray tear that escaped my right eye. He rested his hand on my stomach gently and looked at it a second before continuing. “I want to watch your perfect body grow with our children and see you become the amazing mother I know you’re meant to be. I want to be the shoulder you cry on and the person you count on to make things right when the world is no longer makes sense. I want you to wake up each day, knowing you are the axis my whole world turns on.”

  “You deserve something a million times better than this and me,”—my breath caught when he scooted the chair back and put one knee down on the floor, never releasing my hand—"but I’m tired of wasting time and chances. Charlotte Kasen: will you be my forever?”

  Tears flowed freely down my cheeks. “Yes,” I croaked out as he pulled his knee from the floor, leaning over me and cradled my face with his hands.

  Bringing his forehead to mine, his breath tickled my lips, and his tears mixed with mine. “You have made me so happy, Sunshine.” His gentle kiss sent tingles throughout every nerve ending in my body, perfect kiss that ended far too soon. “I don’t have a ring to give you yet, but—"

  I pulled his face back to mine, tubes and machinery long forgotten, and sealed another kiss, before pulling back. “I don’t need a ring.” My thumb traced over the edge of his bottom lip as I searched the most beautiful pair of blue eyes I had ever seen. “All I’ve ever wanted from you is your last name.”

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Deacon

  3 Weeks Later

  We had opted to wait on catching a flight until the next day because Charlotte wanted to spend our first night together in our bed. I don’t know if I’d ever get used to saying our, but I was sure as hell going to enjoy experiencing it. I threw her over my shoulder, careful not to hit her bruises, and made my way to the door. The sound of her laughing like she didn’t have a care in the world mixed with the thud of my shoes, which apparently couldn’t move fast enough.

  The door swung open, and I sat her down, smoothing back the hairs that had fallen loose.

  “Why’d you stop?”

  “Because we’re doing this all the right way.” She beamed radiantly, full of excitement as I picked her back up, throwing her legs across one arm and her back across the other. She crossed her arms behind my neck, and her train drug slightly over my dress shoes as I carried her across the threshold. I stopped inside the door, just to look at her beautiful face and her body encased in white satin and lace. She was the picture-perfect bride and I couldn’t help but let a small wow slip past my lips.

  “You’ve said that all day.”

  “And I’ve meant it all day.” I took in the way her eyes were just a bit bigger, and the way all the white around her made her skin glow. “There’s not one square inch of you that isn’t exquisite.”

  She leaned up and pressed her lips to mine and whispered a small thank you against them. Her hand patted against my suit jacket and enclosed around my lapel. “You sure clean up nicely. I could get used to seeing you in a suit.”

  “Well, as beautiful as this dress is,” I grinned wickedly as I dropped my voice to a whisper, “I could get used to seeing you out of it.” She giggled, her cheeks and the tender skin above her cleavage growing rosy. I sat her down once more and took her face in my hands. “Close your eyes.”

  “Why?”

  “It’s a surprise.”

  “Oh, really? Well, what if I had one planned for you?” The slight purring sound she made and the hunger in her voice left my cock aching once again to slide inside her.

  I cocked an eyebrow. “Then I’d say it’s time to find out what these surprises are.” I grabbed her hand and pulled her along for the ride. I stopped at the door and drew a silk blindfold out of my pocket. “Turn around, beautiful.”

  She bit her lip as she obeyed, trusting that whatever I had planned for us was going to lead to a lot of satisfaction for us both. I slipped the piece of soft fabric around her eyes and tied it loosely over her locks of spun gold. I laid a tender kiss on the pulse beating wildly in her neck, chasing it with my taste. She shivered at the sensation and gasped quietly. “Ready?”

  “Uh-huh,” quietly sang from her mouth.

  I led her into our bedroom, which was glowing from all the tiny flames. She inched forward as I guided her into the room, still unsure of what was around her. Halting her steps, I circled around the front and knelt before her, pulling up the layers of her wedding gown.

  “Deacon, what are you—"

  “Shhhh. Let me help you.” I placed her hand on my shoulders to help her balance and then ran my hands slowly across the smooth skin of her shapely calf and firm thigh. She shivered at the touch of my calloused mitts, and I was damn near ready to say fuck this and take her on the floor, but I fought the urge along with many. This was my princess, and this was her first time. She deserved to be cherished and to savor every moment of pleasure from this experience because it would be in her memory forever—mine too. As much as I wanted to continue to glide my hands further north, I backed them down the same way they came and rested one of my hands behind her knee. “Leg up, beautiful.”

  She raised it, fingers digging slightly into my shoulders, and I removed the bejeweled heel from her foot. I kneaded the tender flesh for a moment, knowing those shoes could not have offered much comfort and repeated the same movements with her other leg. Once free, her free wiggled into the petals beneath her.

  “Roses?”

  “I
love you might prefer daisies.” The local florist had a limited supply of daisies, but when I told her they were for Charlotte, she had bouquets rushed over from her supplier the next day.

  She smiled so fully and free, enjoying the sensation of the petals as they caressed her tired soles. “I do.”

  I stood and reached behind her, releasing her blindfold and letting her green eyes take in the scene.

  “What’s all this?” She took in the candles that flickered softly around the room.

  “I wanted tonight to be perfect, so I enlisted a little help.”

  “You did good, Deac. It’s wonderful.” She threw me a coy look. “I have a surprise for you too.”

  “Ready when you are, baby.”

  She turned her back to me and lifted her tendrils of blonde hair. “Unzip me?” she asked, looking up at me beneath her curtain of dark lashes.

  “With pleasure.” I made short work of the zipper, only to stop breathing when she let the material puddle to the ground. My dick was standing at attention and saluting her choice of lingerie.

  “You like it?”

  I reached for her hand and placed it on my hardness. “What do you think?”

  “I think you’d like it better off than on.”

  “You’d be right, angel.” I slipped my hand around her waist and bent slightly to nip her earlobe. “Get naked for me.”

  I undressed as she made a show of peeling that scrap of lace and silk off her body. She kept her eyes on me the whole time, and I loved that she was so emboldened by her newfound sexuality. An innocent temptress was teasing me with things I had only imagined in my wildest dreams, and I loved every second of it. When she finished, we stood before each other naked, drinking in the sight of the other. The marks from that asshole Caz still colored some areas with a dull purple and yellow mixture. I reached out to touch a spot and she covered her body with her hands, obscuring my view.

  “Don’t hide what’s mine.” A growl emanated from my chest. “This body is absolute perfection, and I want to see every last stitch of skin.”

  She dropped her hands hesitantly, revealing those perfect breasts I had dreamed about for years.

  Holy fuck. “Lay back on the bed.”

  She moved back to the center, and I followed after her, a lion chasing his lamb, full of hunger and need to consume. I stalked over her, caging her in, her thighs rubbing together in anticipation. I laid my big body on top of hers to let her feel the weight of my love, my protection, my comfort. I took my time preparing her body for the main event: kissing every beautiful freckle on her shoulder, taking her tight pink nipple into my mouth while massaging her other breast. Her back arched, allowing me to taste and tease her as I pleased.

  I worked my way down her body, resting between the apex of her thighs. I slid a digit into her warmth, feeling the mounting desire that was pooling here, waiting for me. The smell of her arousal was intoxicating. I gave her a knowing look, and, keeping my eyes on her, I let my tongue taste the nectar that was forbidden for so long. It was tangy and sweet and every bit Charlotte. She writhed as I flattened my tongue against her sleek body, letting it bring her to her peak. Her climax crashed over her in waves, leaving her breathless and her eyes closed, relishing in her first real orgasm.

  I let my tongue take in her pleasure once more before I moved back up her figure, delicious curves a playground for the man who couldn’t wait to explore them. She was still trying to catch her breath as I stilled over her, nudging her opening with my dick.

  “I need your eyes, Sunshine.”

  She fluttered them open, realizing what was about to take place.

  “We’re going to take this slow. I want you to enjoy this as much as possible. That means if something hurts too much or you want to stop, we stop. Okay?”

  She nodded her head slightly, never taking her beautiful grayish-green eyes from mine.

  I positioned her thighs apart a little further and bent them back to make room for my body. Taking a calming breath, afraid the excitement coursing through my veins would either give me a heart attack or make this moment much shorter than I wanted it to be, I inched inside her, liquid heat enveloped me. Her walls gripped me tightly, making it difficult to push further. Propping myself up on one arm, I reached down between us, coated my thumb in her desire, and gently started to massage her. “I need you to relax a little more for me, baby.”

  She nodded again, cheeks still flushed rosy with her previous orgasm, eyes glassy like a woman well satisfied.

  I continued to push my way in, knowing there was a real possibility this could be over before it started for me because everything about her felt so good, felt so right. I should try to think of things that would distract me, but I didn’t want to miss a moment of this. This was, without a doubt, the most fantastic moment of my life and I hoped it would be for her as well. She moaned and relaxed more under my ministrations until I hit the barrier of her innocence.

  This was it. This was our bodies becoming one, our souls intertwining together.

  She tensed slightly when I hit her barrier.

  “This is gonna hurt, angel.” Lust and fear intermingled in her eyes. “If you want to stop, tell me now.”

  “Make me yours,” she whispered, stroking back the hair that had fallen across my forehead.

  “I need you to relax as much as possible and breathe out when I say three.”

  A soft okay met my ears, sealing our destiny.

  “One.”

  Delicate hands gripped my shoulders.

  “Two.”

  She inhaled a deep breath of air. I pulled myself back to where I was barely inside her.

  “Three.”

  She exhaled deeply. I closed my eyes and sealed my lips over hers as I surged forward, hating myself for causing her more pain than I already had. She drew a sharp breath, and I opened my eyes to see two tears rolling simultaneously down her cheeks. Holding myself deep within her, I felt her walls pulsing erratically all around me, her heart racing against my chest.

  I leaned down and kissed each tear in their tracks. “I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

  She squinted her eyes, her bottom lip quivering.

  “Breathe, baby.”

  She drew a ragged breath and tried to blink away the tears, making more stream down the side of her face. “You’re so…big.”

  I smirked a little bit, male ego rushing forward in celebration for a second. Hopefully, the next time we did this, that would be more of a compliment dripping from those full lips. “What do you need me to do to make it feel better?”

  “Don’t stop…touching me.”

  I steeled my body inside her and concentrated on her pleasure. Within a few moments, her walls had started to flutter with anticipation, and her tearful gasps had turned to sighs of desire. Her grip on my body had loosened, and she was now clenching the sheets with tight little fists, her face the picture of near bliss. “Deacon?”

  I halted my ministrations, leaving her teetering on the edge of ecstasy. “Yes?”

  “Now,” she gasped in desperation. “I want you to move now."

  I kissed her deeply and rolled slightly to prop myself up on both forearms, pulling myself back once more, the feel of her velvety grasp sending tingles throughout my body. I pushed forward at a slow pace, burying myself fully inside my beautiful girl. I repeated the motion, quickening the pace with each thrust, loving the sounds of our bodies coming together. I groaned as she panted. I growled when she whimpered. Until… “Charlotte, I can’t hold out any longer.”

  “Then, don’t.”

  A few more rapid thrusts, and I felt her clench around me, my name dripping from her lips, unleashing the torrent of pent-up desire I had held for this woman for years. I roared as I filled her with everything I had—joy, passion, reverence, amazement.

  I collapsed on top of her, my body completely encasing hers, as we both caught our breaths. “Sorry. I just…”

  “It was perfect.”

  I kissed h
er adorable little button nose. “You’re perfect.”

  “Will it be like this every time?”

  “Even better.”

  “That’s good to hear.” She paused. “I knew you were big, but…”

  “But what?”

  “Just…wow.” My dick twitched at her praise, which made her giggle—a sound I’d never get tired of hearing. “I can feel you moving.”

  “Keep giggling like that, and you’ll feel it do more than just move.”

  “Do my giggles turn you on, Mr. Devereaux?”

  “Ever since I learned what being turned on meant, Mrs. Devereaux.”

  Another giggle.

  I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer to me. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For being you. For being here.” I stroked my hand down her smooth skin and traced my finger along her jawline. “For giving me your innocence.”

  “I didn’t want to give it to anyone else.”

  “Thank you for letting it be mine.” I seared a kiss on her lips that left her panting. “And thank you for giving me another chance.”

  “I like to think of it as giving us a chance.”

  “However you want to phrase it, I’m grateful for it.” I kissed her, barely touching our lips together. “I love you with all my heart, Sunshine.”

  “Ditto,” she sighed.

  I laughed. “Did you just Ghost me?”

  “Did you just admit you’ve watched Ghost?”

  “Who doesn’t love Patrick Swayze?”

  “Good point.” She was quiet for just a second. “Grey made you watch it, didn’t he?”

  “How about we don’t mention any of your family members while my dick is still inside you?”

  She ground down on me just the slightest bit. “Fair enough.”

  I flipped us over and hovered over top of her once more. “You’re looking for trouble, Sunshine.”

  “I found trouble a long time ago, handsome.” She wiggled beneath me, earning her a nibble on her bottom lip. “And I’m keeping it this time.”